The Road to Adulthood: Graduation Rite of Passage
When a young person graduates from high school or college and moves to the next phase of their lives, they go through a massive transition – in identity, in life experiences, and in relationships. While the process is rarely smooth, when young people or their parents resist or ignore it, they can experience many difficulties, sometimes with lifelong implications. When the transition is acknowledged and honored, it becomes a transformation, a powerful rite of passage that enables the young person to powerfully step into their new identity and role in the world.
Making the Graduation Transition a Transformation
(Note: for those who prefer video, jump down below – I talk about the Graduation Rite of Passage Program there as well.)
In the Graduation Rites of Passage Program, I guide families through a process to help them make meaning from their life experiences, identify their strengths and gifts, let go of what no longer serves them, and prepare for their new identity and phase of life. It’s a time of reflection and integration, followed by a ceremony to celebrate this transformation. This process is tailored for COVID era, recognizing that young people aren’t even able to get the collective, public recognition that’s so important. The process is appropriate for both high school and college grads.
Making Meaning
In the first phase, I guide the young person and parents* separately through a life review. We explore the important experiences, challenges, qualities, abilities, relationships, and accomplishments that have made the graduate the person they are today and that will help them well into the future. Parents do much of the same from their vantage point, identifying critical and special moments in their child’s life that have contributed to their development.
Letting Go
We also identify what no longer serves – or never served – the young person’s growth and well-being: nicknames, limiting beliefs, views imposed by others, etc. We look at how these hold the young person back and begin releasing these, so they will no longer define the graduate or weigh them down as they move forward. Parents identify how their parenting and the ways they see their child need to shift to best support them in early adulthood.
Welcoming Adulthood
Next, we explore the young person’s intentions, concerns, and excitement about stepping into a new adult identity. Parents share their wishes for their child’s future and affirm their continued support for their child’s development and responsibility, while also respecting their independence. Graduates and parents align on how they will move forward, helping to ensure all are on the same page, ready to make this transition together.
Sharing Ceremony
The reflection culminates in a ceremony to honor this important transition. Through intention, presence, ritual, and symbolism, ceremony facilitates powerful transformation. First, we identify the special location and ways to make the setting most meaningful, with photos and other treasured items. We decide how they want to share their reflections from the life review process – letters, discussing their insights, etc. Then, we explore ideas for the ritual – burning or burying, releasing to the skies or waters, for example – to symbolically honor the end of one phase and welcome the next. Last but definitely not least, we plan the celebration – with the food, music, and/or activities they love.
Graduates and their parents then create and hold their ceremonies on their own. The ritual may include experiences like: writing wishes on dissolving paper, placing them in water, and pouring that over a favorite tree in the yard; burning writings of what they want to release over a campfire at their favorite campground (and making ‘smores together); or breaking a barrier (a chain of flowers, in one case) as they stepped from their old life and into their new one.
The Graduation Rite of Passage Process Details
I support families through this meaningful rite of passage process through:
- Video Sessions
- Kickoff Session to explain the process and share reflection questions in preparation for the Guided Interviews
- Life Review Guided Interviews done individually with the graduate and each parent (or with the parents together)
- Ceremony Planning Session
- Materials
- Reflection questions
- Recordings and transcripts of the Guided Interviews
- Ceremony ideas and guidelines
- Support: Up to 3 email or short phone consultations
Important Note:
The Graduation Rites of Passage Program involves reflection and sharing from the heart. All participants should agree to show up fully, to be open, engaged, and willing to share. This cannot be forced or pressured onto someone; it has to be each person’s choice. Furthermore, not all parents or parental figures (see endnote on this) need to participate; it can be very effective with one parent and the graduate. To proceed: if you’re a parent, share this with your child (and if you’re the graduate, share with your parents), explore whether it resonates, discuss, and decide together. If you’d like to gift this process to a graduate, it’s still important to discuss it with them first.
The fee for this program is $500. If you are interested in participating but cannot afford this fee, please reach out, as I do have a few spaces available at a sliding fee scale.
For more information or to sign up, please email Mary Beth Leisen, Ph.D., at marybeth@yellowarrowcollective.com.
I send my heartfelt congratulations to the Class of 2020 on this incredible milestone and wish you all the best as you embrace this new chapter of life!
* Note: While I use the word ‘parents’ throughout for simplicity, family and parenting have many different meanings and configurations. The intent is for this process to include the graduate and one or more caring, loving parents or parental figures. This could mean stepparents, partners of parents, grandparents, godparents, foster parents, aunts, uncles, and others who serve an important role in the graduate’s life and who want to honor their loved one in this way.
